Get ready Ladies because this is a sizzling one! Today’s guest speaker is our fabulous romance guru, Heather Pillow. She is the owner of Slumber Parties by Heather and is our resident Sexpert! She is here to help us keep things smokin’ in the bedroom…grab a pen and paper, you will want to write these tips down, then try them tonight! 😉
I’m so excited that Tara asked me to share some romance tips on her blog. As a fellow stay-at-home/working mom, I can totally relate to the challenges of being super mom, super wife and super tired many days (sometimes all at once).
Just a quick background on me…
I’m a wife of almost 13 years and a stay-at-home mother of three high-energy children: Susan age 10, Max age 7 and Ava age 5. I also run a very successful, and thus rather demanding, business helping women like us plan great girls’ night out parties. And I’m a volunteering junkie–no is not a word I say all that often. So personal time is not easy to come by and often my poor husband finds himself as the low man on the totem pole of my life. (More about why this is BAD and how to fix it later.)
I don’t know about you, but the “lazy days of summer” are all but non-existent in our house. We have swim team at the crack of dawn everyday, camps, vacations, daily requests for sleepovers AND a business to run. I think my kids were out of school for about 2.3 hours before I heard the first “I’m bored!” bomb thrown (my answer to that, by the way, is to hand them a pack of baby wipes and tell them they can be a big helper and scrub baseboards!).
So in light of all that, this edition of Heather’s Helpful Romance Tips is about keeping the home fires burning during the craziness of summer!
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy.” This is absolutely true and it also includes Daddy. Jointly, if Mama and Daddy are not getting along well, the level is discord in your household rises exponentially. And if you are arguing with your partner, rarely is there going to be any real desire on your part for “making cookies” (the G-rated term used in our house.) No cookies = a cranky Daddy. And frankly, us girls could use a few more snickerdoodles in our lives if we are honest with ourselves.
The biggest mistake most couples who have young children make is that they put the kids’ happiness above all else. We bend over backwards to make sure that they have the best of everything, that their birthdays are epic events, that they always feel like winners. We tell them constantly how loved they are, how proud we are of them and that they are the center of our universe.
But consider this–when was the last time you did ANY of those things for your partner? Or that he did those things for you?
Suggestion #1: Employ the Golden Rule in your home. Try being kind to your partner for one entire day. No criticizing, no nagging, no eye-rolling snarly behavior. For many of us, this will feel like a super human feat. We don’t realize just how negative we really can be on a daily basis. I think you will find that kindness begets kindness and he will ultimately reciprocate without even realizing it.
Now, the next issue is that we are all hideously overscheduled. I know I spend more time in my car most weeks than I do in my bed, sleeping or otherwise. So if you are constantly running and doing for others, the last thing you want to do is “perform” on command when completely exhausted.
Suggestion #2: Schedule alone time with your partner just like you do every other activity in your life. Sure, we’d all love to have the spontaneous love-making we had before children but reality is that those days are few and far between. It does not mean we can’t still enjoy each other.
Don’t wait until you are both absurdly tired and cranky. Set the kids up with a movie and sneak off for some alone time. Even 30 minutes a week of time with NO TV, NO phones and NO children can do a world of good for your relationship.
Date night does not have to mean spending money or evening leaving the house! Try having game night (clothing optional). Dust off that lingerie you have shoved in your bottom drawer and try playing a board game in your bedroom. Yahtzee can take on a whole new meaning! LOL!
But if you can afford it, plan a real date at least once a month where you get dressed up for each other and go do something you love! Dancing, cooking together, canoeing, running, painting pottery, whatever. We all have a different idea of fun. but fun is what your goal should be! “Planned” romance can feel forced and uncomfortable. So if you simply plan something you both enjoy, the fun can help remind you why you fell in love in the first place and often lead to something more naughty.
My last idea for today is easy, cheap and should be done as frequently as you can. So many of us use the L-word very freely, which can be both good and bad. We all love to hear I Love You but the more often we say it in passing, the less impact it has. So expand on those three words…
Suggestion #3: Leave your partner love notes! What exactly is it that you love about your partner? Is it the way he looks when he sleeps? How he reads to the kids at bedtime? His abs? Tell your partner the different reasons you love him! Leave the notes in surprise places–taped to the vanity mirror, under his pillow, on the seat of his car, inside his laptop. We all love a surprise! This can also include a sexy text message, also known as “sexting”. Particularly those of you who have partners that travel for a living! Clearly you need to make sure his phone is set up so the messages can not be viewed by just anyone, but a few naughty innuendos can be amazing foreplay and show a renewed playfulness that will reignite you both!
Hang in there, folks! Summer is half way over. But these tips can work all year round! I’d love for you to share what you do to keep the spark alive in your relationship!
Wishing you much love and romance,
Your Resident Sexpert
Because You DESERVE a Fun Girl’s Night Out!
Thank you, Heather! I am sure all the ladies out there will be smiling a little more this week after trying out your tips! (I know their partners will be!!!)